In response to a piece last week by Kasey Edwards here on Role/Reboot about the dangers of being attracted to an alpha male, I have to admit something a bit unpleasant about myself, a part of me that I often try to smother with logic by reading articles about, say, how Japanese young people have sworn off sex: I really have a thing for the kind of guy that Edwards calls “alpha” males. The men I know seem to find it just existentially negating to sift themselves in just two categories like that, and the term itself denigrates the value of the unbelievable men I’ve known and loved who don’t radiate pheromones into every room they step into. Now to do a bit of appropriate hedging: Are we even allowed to call men alpha males these days?Not being attractive enough for most women Women are more attracted to alpha males than any other type of male (e.g. Most of the guys who come to me looking for help on how to get an ex back are guys who have either never been an alpha male or who lost touch with their masculinity and became a bit of a wuss, needy guy, clingy guy, etc in the relationship. Feeling nervous or anxious in social situations A real alpha male doesn’t feel nervous or anxious in social situations because he full believes in himself and expects to be liked. His perception of himself is much more important than what others “might” think.He knows that he is more than good enough for women to like him and for men to respect him. He bases his confidence on how he thinks, not on how others might think.If you’re the kind of guy who loves to feel needed all the time, this gal just isn’t for you. Not that she’s a total cynic, but she’s used to the doting - the lovey dovey crap that girl wants - and in order to get her attention, you’ll need to come up with something a little more original.6. If you think loving an Alpha Female is easy, you're wrong.
Generally speaking, most people accept that he will get the hottest women, get promoted at work and achieve whatever he puts his mind to.Alpha males tend to be difficult to get a serious commitment out of—and even if you’re not looking for one, they’re worried that you are—because they attract a lot of female sexuality.And one thing I’ve learned in my life: In heterosexual relationships with alpha males, other women’s sexuality sometimes really scares you. I spent most of 2008 through 2010 frantically trying not to lose the most beautiful man I’d ever come into physical contact with—a green-eyed, golden-skinned Brazilian who I longed to convince to make a baby with me.But while the term is undoubtedly reductionist, I think a lot of heterosexual women will understand who I’m talking about here: men who somehow manage to seethe latent sexuality while also radiating the loyalty, benevolence, and physical protectiveness of a 150-pound Newfoundland or Henry Cavill in Man of Steel. I was mesmerized and nearly drooling for the entire 143 minutes of that film.There, I said it.) Edwards’ piece spoke entirely sensibly about the reservations women should have in looking to such men for validation and emotional rescue.